Not long after my mother died last November, I began grief counseling. Having been diagnosed with clinical depression at age 19 (and I know I was depressed for several years before that), I have great awareness of my propensity to rapidly spiral downward and wanted to prevent "going there" as best I could. Mom's hospice care team offered this counseling to me at no cost and I took advantage of it. Jill was a great help to me. After several weeks of counseling, she brought up the fact that our society today (at least in the U.S.) no longer seems to have a way to publicly recognize one's mourning and offered me a small black rubber bracelet bearing the simple inscription: Grieving. I thought about wearing it, and nearly didn't. It felt somewhat uncomfortable at first, as if I were looking for pity or attention from others by publicly acknowledging my grief. Then I recalled how, as a child growing up in a large, extended Irish Catholic family, my great-grandmothers and great-aunts wore only black dresses for the rest of their lives when a loved one died. It has now been one year, one month, and six days since Mom passed. I'm still wearing the bracelet. It's a continual reminder of how much I treasured her.
So if I get you correctly, grief is a feeling (highly individualistic) and mourning is the work you do (again highly individualistic)to navigate the grieving process.
Thank you. A close family member is approaching the final months of a terminal illness, and though I have worked with death and dying my entire professional life as a hospital nurse, it’s still very hard.
Mary: thanks for your response. Even more simplistically, grief is internal, and mourning is external. Both, as you noted, are "individualistic." And, no surprise, while mourning and grief may be defined as different experiences, they can be complex to address. In particular, I think our western culture has rapidly moved away from mourning rituals.
Hi Larry. I just wanted to share with you that I write a newsletter about my journey with dementia and educational material. I also speak to caregivers of all sorts. Come check me out and I will do the same. Next Monday my story will be about caregiver burnout.
Not long after my mother died last November, I began grief counseling. Having been diagnosed with clinical depression at age 19 (and I know I was depressed for several years before that), I have great awareness of my propensity to rapidly spiral downward and wanted to prevent "going there" as best I could. Mom's hospice care team offered this counseling to me at no cost and I took advantage of it. Jill was a great help to me. After several weeks of counseling, she brought up the fact that our society today (at least in the U.S.) no longer seems to have a way to publicly recognize one's mourning and offered me a small black rubber bracelet bearing the simple inscription: Grieving. I thought about wearing it, and nearly didn't. It felt somewhat uncomfortable at first, as if I were looking for pity or attention from others by publicly acknowledging my grief. Then I recalled how, as a child growing up in a large, extended Irish Catholic family, my great-grandmothers and great-aunts wore only black dresses for the rest of their lives when a loved one died. It has now been one year, one month, and six days since Mom passed. I'm still wearing the bracelet. It's a continual reminder of how much I treasured her.
What a wonderful gesture from your grief counselor!!
So if I get you correctly, grief is a feeling (highly individualistic) and mourning is the work you do (again highly individualistic)to navigate the grieving process.
Thank you. A close family member is approaching the final months of a terminal illness, and though I have worked with death and dying my entire professional life as a hospital nurse, it’s still very hard.
Mary: thanks for your response. Even more simplistically, grief is internal, and mourning is external. Both, as you noted, are "individualistic." And, no surprise, while mourning and grief may be defined as different experiences, they can be complex to address. In particular, I think our western culture has rapidly moved away from mourning rituals.
Hi Larry. I just wanted to share with you that I write a newsletter about my journey with dementia and educational material. I also speak to caregivers of all sorts. Come check me out and I will do the same. Next Monday my story will be about caregiver burnout.
I have "checked you out" and subscribed!